Mom.

It is time I confessed a secret to the world. I know it, the government knows it and now you, too, will know it. It may sound crazy but you must trust me and hear me out. The truth is that all Al Qaeda really wants is my Mother's Meatloaf recipe. Honestly, I have lost count of the amount of people who have sworn off meatloaf but upon tasting my Mother's recipe have completely changed their minds. Because of this recipe lives have been changed and the balance of power in the West has depended on its survival.

Lucky for us it has been preserved in the National Archives under H for, "Holy Mother of God, that is really good meatloaf." Don't ask any government employee to show you, they will deny it's existence. That is all.